His Void
by paper pixi
Summary: [Peter Pan 2003 movie based] Peter finally comes to grasp with the meaning of Hook's haunting words. [SPOILERS]


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HIS VOID

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Author's Notes: I absolutely fell in love with Peter Pan when I first saw it. Jeremy Sumpter and Rachel Hurd-Wood were great. Hee. I've been obsessing over Peter Pan too much. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story. I'm currently working on another Peter Pan fanfic. I guess we'll see how that turns out later.

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Disclaimer: Never.

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"You're a tragedy."

"Me? Tragic?"

"She was leaving you, Pan... your Wendy was leaving you. Why should she stay? What have you to offer? You are incomplete. She'd rather grow up than stay with you. Let us now take a peep into the future. What is this I see? Tis the fair Wendy in her nursery. The window is shut."

"I'll open it!"

"I'm afraid the window is barred."

"I'll call out her name!"

"She can't hear you."

"No!"

"She can't see you."

"Wendy!"

"She's forgotten all about you."

"Stop! Please! Stop it!"

"And what is this I see? There is another, in your place... he is called husband."

He had been naïve, fierce, and stubborn. His heart had been void of love; only the simple joy of adventure filled his very core. For centuries he had remained ageless, forever a playful youth. While others like him grew up, he had not. And in the process of repelling, he was able to escape the inevitable. The inevitability of growing up.

He was Peter Pan, the protector of Neverland, the Father of the Lost Boys, and what he was best known for—the boy who never aged. He was the only boy who refused to do so, even if that meant leaving behind the one girl whom he loved to be with.

For a long time after she returned he could only think of her and the thimble that she had given him. That simple gesture stirred up so many emotions in him that he didn't even know existed yet. And though he would not admit it, it truly frightened him.

Love, he knew, was only an emotion that grown-ups felt. And if he had given into it, he feared that he would have grown too. Having to grow up was his worst nightmare. Or at least, it had been.

It was before the last battle with Hook took place. Before he had said all the things that he said.

Those words he taunted him with had stuck and still plagued him until this very day.

He remembered the feeling of his heart breaking then in that moment. It had hurt so much. He could never recall anything else that hurt more than that. In the instant of hearing the regard of her future, he had fallen. For the first time in his life, he allowed himself to surrender. He didn't care; he didn't care if he lost or if he died. All he knew and was aware of at the time was the overwhelming ache of his heart.

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"What is your name?"

"What is your name?"

"Wendy Moria Angela Darling."

"Peter Pan."

Wendy was her name; the girl who he had picked up from the other world unbeknownst to him, the girl who had caused him that excruciating pain. But there was something unique about her that had drawn him to her. Perhaps it was the way she smiled with so much warmth and kindness or the way she always cared for others before herself. Or maybe it was the way she looked at him with such genuine love and respect that it made him feel so strange... but he liked it, yet at the same time, it alarmed him. The feeling he had when she looked at him like that was indescribable. But he knew that it could and would not last.

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"Wendy, it's only make-believe, isn't it? That you and I are..."

"Oh... yes."

"Wendy, you see... it'd make me seem so old to be a real father."

"Peter, what are your real feelings?"

"Feelings?"

"What you feel. Happiness. Sadness. Jealousy."

"Jealousy? Tink."

"Anger?"  


"Anger? Hook."

"Love?"

"Love? I have never heard of it."

"I think you have, Peter. I daresay you felt it yourself. For something or someone."

"Never. Even the sound of it offends me."

He remembered very clearly the moment she confronted him about love. He had recoiled in anger and offense and left her despite her call out to him. At that time, he just couldn't understand why she would want to talk about such foolishness.

He did not want to experience such a thing. He wanted always to just be a boy and have fun. They were having fun being with each other as kids, so why did she have to go and ruin it all? Was she not having as much fun as he was? Did she really want to grow up so bad and so fast?

Of course she did. That was why she returned. That was why she asked him about love.

When she left, he was never the same again. Nothing was ever much fun anymore and the toll it had on Neverland was tremendous. Many times he had tried to convince himself that what he and Wendy had would blow past, but as each day passed, his adventures, what once was his only joy, became less and less, until eventually, he was nearly hollow.

He knew now that his joy had been forever lost. His joy was now someone else's. His joy, his happiness, was Wendy. And all this time, he had thought that his joy was to forever be a boy and have fun. And it was—until he met her. Nothing was worthwhile anymore unless she was with him.

But she could never be with him again. There would be no more adventures, no more fun, no more stories, no more being. There would be nothing.

Long before, she had come to know him, she had come to know his mirthful heart. She knew well that he wanted to forever be a boy and she let him be. He was the only one who remained the boy who wouldn't grow up. He had refused it and refused to commit. He did not want to put his dreams in a drawer. He did not want to give up or sacrifice anything. And it hurt her so much because he had chosen eternal youth over her, but she accepted it. She let him go and never held it against him.

She had waited too when they separated. Waited for him to come back to visit like her like he promised, but he hadn't. Or at least, that's what she thought. But the truth was—he did visit her, many times, if not every night. She was only unaware of his presence.

Just like she was now.

Staring through her window, he felt a wave of grief hit him hard throughout his body. In Wendy's arms laid a baby and next to her was a man of near twenty-five. Hook's words came back to flood his mind and Peter figured nastily that it was her husband.

For a while he just stared at her desperately, wanting so much to touch her only once more. He wanted to be the one who had his arm wrapped around her, he wanted to be the one kissing her, he wanted to be the one always by her side. He wanted to be the one.

But his stubborn nature would not allow him to be it. Not that he could be it now even if his stubborn nature did allow him to. It was just too late.

Wendy was a mother now. She was also a loving wife, and her husband was a father. A _father_. He remembered back to when he played the role of the Lost Boys' father while Wendy played the mother. He only wished it to be true now.

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"Mother and Father are fighting again!"

"Sir, you are both ungallant and deficient."

"How am I deficient?"

"You are just a boy."

He knew how much she wanted to be with him. It was he who didn't know how much he wanted to be with her. She loved him, he knew. But she deserved someone better, someone who wanted her just as much as she wanted them. Someone who _knew_ that they loved her the instant they met her. Someone who was willing to give up anything just to be with her and make her happy.

He wasn't that someone. He didn't know if he wanted her as much as she wanted him. He didn't know if he loved her; he didn't know what love was. And he wasn't willing to give up his youth to be with her and make her happy. He was just the opposite.

He watched now as her husband stood up to leave the room, but not before kissing her gently on the lips. She seemed content, he figured as he watched her lips twist into a tiny smile. Her eyes remained focused on her newborn.

Then he saw her laugh. Her lips started to move as a tear slipped from her eye. Why was she crying? And why was she laughing?

It was an odd combination.

Curious, Peter found himself tapping on her window gently, but she did not hear it. He decided to open it up, but it was latched. He could do nothing else but hover there and watch her as she continued to talk to her baby and laugh.

"His name was Peter Pan, dearest boy. What a mischievous and wild boy he was."

A thought struck him then as he floated away from her window.

She was happy. She had grown up. She had what she wanted now, a family of her own. There was no need for him anymore. She had her own bundle of joy now, her newborn baby.

She was happy. Wendy was truly happy.

His world came shattering down at the reality of the meaning. She was happy without him. She didn't need him... had she forgotten about him?

He looked closer at her refined face. Something hanging from her neck chain caught his attention and he noticed that it was the acorn that he had given her a little more than a decade ago.

A smile brightened his face. She had not forgotten.

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"You won't forget me, will you?"

"Me... forget? Never."

"Will you come back?"

"To hear stories... about me!"

He flew off into the clear night and back to where Wendy would always be able to find him; second to the right and straight on till morning.

A fading laugh from outside caught Wendy's attention and she turned her head to the window. A star shot across the night sky and she smiled warmly.

She would never know though that there would always be a void within Peter Pan's heart. And that it was only she who would be able to heal it again.

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"Wendy... one girl is worth more than twenty boys."

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Author's Notes: Like it? Hate it? Please review and tell me what you think! Feedback would make me so very happy. :)


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